You Can’t Blame Me

My name is Rachel and I do it all.

Today I am a blogging failure.

You can’t blame me, really.  After all, in the months since my last post I have hastily prepared for finals, graduated, and started working full-time at my “big girl” job (all the while still working part-time at my other job).  Big girl life, I am finding, is quite exhausting–and I don’t even have kids to add to my tiredness!

My last year of school, I found myself yearning for graduation.  Partly because I just wanted to be done.  I just wanted one less thing to worry about.  Mainly, though, I just envisioned that life.  You know the one–work the nine to five, come home, make dinner for the boyfriend.  Sometimes my imagination extended to the distant future which, come to think of it, wasn’t too far off from the other scenario–work the nine to five, come home, cook dinner for the husband and possible child(ren).

Since graduation, I have to admit that my vision has been pretty accurate.  I go to work in the morning.  I get off in the late afternoon.  I come home and the Manfriend and I usually fix ourselves a microwaveable dinner or get some variety of takeout or fast food.  We watch Arrow or The Flash or iZombie (our latest guilty addiction).  We go to bed.  Rinse and repeat the next morning.  It’s so gloriously monotonous.

So, even though life has turned out almost exactly the way I wanted and envisioned, yet again I find myself wanting something different with my life.  It may sound cliche, but I find myself envious of the stay-at-home moms with their craft blogs.  I peruse Pinterest scouting out what project I’m going to attack next.  Reupholstering a chair?  Painting a coffee table?  Sewing curtains?  Knitting a hat?  Painting with coffee?  Gardening?  The possibilities are endless.

I went to college for three years and have finally earned my Associate’s in Interior Design.  I have my foot in the door by working as an assistant to two very talented designers.  I had successfully convinced myself that this IT–this is what I will be doing with the rest of my life.  This is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I have a confession, though–

Maybe it isn’t.

Maybe what I really want is to have an Etsy shop.  Maybe what I want to be doing is spending my day watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer while knitting something nerd-themed for a paying customer in Idaho.  Maybe what I want is to be sleeping in until whenever I feel like, waking up, fixing myself a nice tall glass of iced coffee before going outside to refinish a dresser that I picked up at a yard sale for $10–then selling it for $50 to make a profit.  I want to take step-by-step pictures of the process and post it to this blog for all of my followers to see and be inspired.  I want to make money off of doing things that I like to do.  I want to do it while wearing pajamas and drinking coffee and blasting whatever music suits me on that particular day.  I want to do it from home so I don’t have to drive a total of two hours every day.  I want to choose to start my day whenever I want and I end it whenever I want because I’m not relying on an hourly paycheck–just the profit of the beautiful things that I make.

This is my dream.  This is what I really want to be when I “grow up”.

But it’s just that–a dream.  A beefed up, idealized, perfect vision of life as I would love for it to be.  I know that, even if I was given the opportunity (or rather made the opportunity), it wouldn’t be exactly as I imagined it.  It would still be work and I would still get stressed, much like I do now.

Also, I would like to add this as a disclaimer–all things considering, I do love my current job.  I’m very grateful it.  Not all students are fortunate enough to land a job in their field while they’re still attending college.  I have learned so much while I have been here.  I feel respected and needed in this job.

ALSO, I understand that acquiring a profession where you can essentially be a hermit all day and still get paid is America’s dream job.  The importance of putting in an honest-to-goodness day’s work and labor is becoming a lost concept in today’s generations.

This concludes this days’ pointless rant.  You can understand why I haven’t been posting often–I’ve been too busy wishing my life was different.


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